A #fbf to 2 years ago on holiday in the Dominican. I remember being utterly disgusted with myself after seeing this photo, appalled at how big I look, embarrassed that I'd let other people see me in a bikini. In truth, I've felt that way about my body my entire life, I've felt it as an average sized child, a slim adolescent, I've felt it at 140lbs, at 180lbs, I felt it most of all at 65lbs tubed up in a hospital bed and lucky to be alive.
At every weight there was always an 'ideal goal' or a 'problem area' that if I could just fix then I could be happy with myself. I lost weight, I 'fixed', I was never happy. Loving my body seemed like an impossibility since I could never achieve that airbrushed perfection that I was brainwashed into thinking was the only way for a woman to look good.
It's taken me far too long to realise that it was never my body that needed fixing, only ever my distorted perception my my body and the media bodies we all see day to day. Realising that I had the power to change my perception, the capability to banish years of reinforced negativity and truly embrace and love my body at any size was like coming out of a cult. Body positivity is the best thing that's ever happened to me. For the first time in my life I see clearly, and in this picture I see a beautiful young woman laughing in the sun